Long Blonde Hair
by serialhugger
Summary: Giftfic for Dead Uchiha. Naruto is confused about his sexuality after a Saturday night party. Happy Valentine's Day Deadypooh! ... even if it is kinda early.


**Title:**Long Blonde Hair

**Author:** Smurf

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:**We the serialhugger collective do not own Naruto or any of the characters, licenses, or trademarks related thereof.

**Notes:**A giftfic for Dead_Uchiha, to whom I remain an ever luvin' Smurf-chan.

**Summary:**Naruto is confused about his sexuality after a Saturday night party.

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**Long Blonde Hair**

Naruto looked at Sakura only a moment before averting his gaze to stare down at his as yet untouched drink- of course, it was his eleventh of the evening so the fact that it was untouched was neither here nor there. "I… I was really drunk and... I- I think... IthinkIhadsexwithIno'sdad... I'mnotsure! Doesthatmakemegay?"

"What?" Sakura honestly hadn't caught what it was the blonde had just said; it had all come out in a continuous rush of words. "Naruto, slow down." She watched as he slammed back the contents of his glass. "Really," she waved the waitress away, "slow down." He took one deep breath, than another, his eyes still not rising above the level of the tabletop. "Now, repeat what you just said."

"I said," the blonde started over, "I was really drunk."

"Yeah." Sakura nodded, "I know, I was at Anko's party too."

"Right, so you know then, how really, really, really drunk I was."

"Well," Sakura seemed to consider, "you were pretty out of it," she finally admitted, raising her own drink to her lips. "Go on."

"I think…" he squirmed a little in his seat, his face and ears turning a bright shade of pink. "I think I slept with Inoichi. Does that mean I'm gay?"

Sakura stopped. That is to say, she stopped moving, her glass poised mid-air, her mouth partially open, and her eyes wide. She was pretty sure she'd stopped breathing, and her heart had missed a beat or two as well. "W-What!?" she blurted once she had started functioning again, "You… w-with Ino's dad…?! How is that even…? Wha…?" Okay, maybe her brain hadn't quite managed to reboot itself properly.

"Sakura," the whisker marked shinobi said in an almost whine, "not so loud!" Naruto counted himself lucky that nobody had passed by the table just then.

"Sorry," she shook her head, "it's just… Wow!"

"I'm not even sure, okay? I mean… all I remember is lots of long blonde hair, and feeling really good- Really, really, really, really good," he amended, "and then in the morning I went down stairs and Inoichi was there, in a girly purple apron, making breakfast."

"He made you breakfast?"

"Yeah... He didn't threaten to castrate me either; so chances are good it wasn't Ino I was with, besides, she had an away mission, remember?"

That was right, Ino had been away, she had dropped off her mission report Sunday morning, looking like she hadn't slept the night before, more than likely in an attempt to make it home before Monday and her next mission. "Were you a top or a bottom?"

"Huh?"

"The other night, did you do him, or did he do you?"

"I don't know! I told you, I don't know anything!" he didn't bother to pause and correct his wording even when his pink haired former teammate snickered.

"Well, did your ass hurt?"

"What?"

She began to repeat the question, "Did your ass-"

"I heard you the first time!" he thought a moment. "… No, it didn't. Hey," he grinned, "that's right! If I'd have been the bottom, I'd have been sore, like that time with Kakashi the first time we tried to get the bells."

Sakura blinked; she had nearly forgotten all about that incident. "So you topped then," she sipped at her brightly coloured cocktail. "If you even did actually sleep with him that is."

"Yeah, I'd have had to… I remember it feeling warm and-" Sakura's fist connected with the top of his head, "Damn it! What was that for?" he rubbed at the sore spot.

"TMI."

"Huh?"

Sakura rolled her eyes; Naruto never had been too good with acronyms. "Too Much Information."

"Oh. Sorry."

"So," Sakura recapped, "You were at Anko's party on Saturday, got shitfaced, wound up sleeping with someone with long blonde hair- probably Ino's dad- and woke up to find him making you breakfast."

"Yeah," Naruto looked his former teammate in the face for the first time since they began this conversation, "So… what do you think?"

"I think you're screwed."

"Sakura," he whined, "how about a little help here?"

"What am I supposed to do about it?"

"Hide me from Ino?" he tried, a short nervous chuckle escaping his throat.

"Naruto-"

"What? I can't just go up to her and explain, now can I? I mean, what am I gonna tell her? 'Sorry, I don't think I can go out with you anymore; I think I might be gay, and, oh, yeah, I probably slept with your dad'?"

"You what?!" A third voice entered the conversation. "Naruto," each syllable of his name was pronounced slowly, angrily, and really, he couldn't blame her for that, "when exactly did this happen?"

"Uh… I-Ino," he faltered, his lips twisting into a nervous smile, "Heh… S-Saturday night."

"Saturday?" Sakura watched as her friend and sometimes rival's body language relaxed a moment, before tensing again. "You moron!" Ino exploded, her fist connecting with his shoulder. "You were with me Saturday night; how drunk were you that you'd actually mistake me for my dad?"

"But how-?" Naruto's confusion was evident on his face, "You were away!"

"I got back early and found you stumbling home, in the wrong direction I might add, so I took you to my place; it was closer," she shrugged. "How drunk were you?"

The question was rhetorical, he knew. "Heh," he rubbed at the back of his neck. "So, then I'm not gay?"

"Idiot!" both kunoichi rolled their eyes.

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**Hugs & Oreos!  
**Smurf


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